


I've got an Ace up my Sleeve (It's Me, I'm the Ace)

by Sevnaria



Series: We are here [8]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Asexual Character, Canon Compliant, Hoseok's sexuality support group, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lee Minhyuk (Monsta X)-centric, Lots of Crying, Multi, Not Beta Read, Rated for swearing and 5 seconds of non-graphic masturbation, sex is mentioned a bunch of times too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2020-05-18 12:50:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19334866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sevnaria/pseuds/Sevnaria
Summary: Minhyuk is the sunshine of the group that the others depend on. He has always known that there is something fundamentally wrong with him and he also knows that his members wouldn't be able to understand even if he told them. So he doesn't.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is the result of me trying to find the best asexual-related pun, I'm sorry.
> 
> So. Asexuality. I know it's a topic where everyone has their own definitions and truths. I've written it from my experience and perspective so just be aware that there's a lot more to it than described in this story.  
> I don't mean to offend anyone and Minhyuk's thoughts on the subject stems from his insecurity and lack of knowledge.
> 
> Also, here's one short definition of asexuality, for those of you who are unsure of what it means:  
> Asexuality (ace for short) is a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any gender. Because there is significant variation among people who identify as asexual, asexuality can encompass broad definitions.   
> There are asexuals who are repulsed by sex, there are those who can enjoy the act of sex as a way of connecting with their partner and there are asexuals who masturbate, to name a few variations. It's a wide spectrum with gray areas and it's different for everyone. Also, asexuality has to do with the idea of separating sexual and romantic attraction.  
> If you wanna know more I encourage you to look it up!
> 
> Sorry for rambling, I just thought it might be necessary with a small introduction^^

Moans. 

Indisputably male moans. 

Coming from his and Changkyun’s room. 

Minhyuk didn’t really know what the next logical step here was, should he just pretend it never happened and go for a walk or something? At the same time, he was kinda curious to see who Changkyun would have brought home with him, he didn’t know he was even seeing anyone. He knew the younger thought he would be home alone for at least a few hours, he couldn’t possibly know that Minhyuk’s plans with Jeonghan had fallen through, causing Minhyuk to return earlier than expected.

 _Curiosity killed the cat_ , he thought to himself and backed away. Another moan, louder this time, pierced through the silence and Minhyuk stopped in his tracks. _But satisfaction brought it back._ He put his hand on the handle, pressing it down as slowly as he could, inch by inch.

When Minhyuk looked through the thin crack, Changkyun thankfully had his back towards him but the jerking movements of his arm made it obvious what he was up to. The video displayed on Changkyun’s laptop facing the door also helped clear up what was going on and Minhyuk wanted to slap himself for not figuring it out before opening the door.

As yet another moan came from the laptop, Minhyuk made his silent retreat and promptly left the dorm, deciding that going for a walk might not be such a bad idea after all. He let out a small chuckle and a passing woman gave him a weird look. It was becoming a bad habit of his, walking in on the members taking care of themselves. Of course, it happened every now and then, it was inevitable with seven guys living together. And every time there would be merciless teasing from the other members as a way of coping with the trauma. Changkyun would not be an exception to the rule, Minhyuk just hadn’t found it within him to interrupt the younger in the middle of the act. He would bring it up later though, just because he could.

~~~ 

When they had all gathered for dinner and were sharing their stories from the day, Minhyuk cleared his throat and absolutely no one reacted. He sighed and called out instead. 

“Hey, wanna know what I did today?” 

Most of the others shrugged, focused on their food, but Minhyuk wasn’t too bothered by their luke warm reactions. 

“You hung out with Jeonghan?” Hyunwoo said, trying to muster up some interest despite his hunger. 

“Nope, he had to cancel so I got back early”, Minhyuk looked at Changkyun, who choked on his food when their eyes met. 

Kihyun slapped Changkyun’s back but the younger was busy staring at Minhyuk, subtly shaking his head at the older.

Minhyuk, however, turned a blind eye to his pleading. He made a dramatic retelling of him catching Changkyun and the others laughed, immediately ganging up on the maknae. Changkyun’s face resembled a tomato and he looked like he was debating whether it was worth leaving his food behind in favor of running away. 

“Just because no one’s ever caught you”, he muttered in Minhyuk’s direction when everyone had quieted down. 

“That’s right”, Jooheon perked up. “What’s your secret hyung?”

It was like all the air had been sucked out of the room, which didn’t matter all that much because Minhyuk had forgotten how to breathe anyway. After an excruciatingly long second where Minhyuk grew aware of how all eyes were on him, he mustered up a grin and looked around the table. 

“Well, just good timing I guess”, he shrugged, praying they would let it go. The others seemed to think that he just didn’t want to share his tactics but they moved on to other subjects when he refused to elaborate. 

It was true, the only one who hadn’t been caught in the act by anyone was Minhyuk himself. Contrary to his members beliefs, it wasn’t because he had some secret strategy. He simply didn’t pleasure himself in that way, or in any way really. It had long been something that he’d struggled to understand, why he wouldn’t ever get aroused or feel any sort of sexual attraction. He had many times wanted to look it up, surely someone out of the billions of people on the internet had faced the same problem before. But every time he’d tried formulating some sort of question on google, he’d chickened out. He didn’t want to confirm that there was something wrong with him. 

Minhyuk was the sunshine of the group, their eternal symbol of positivity. Moping around didn’t suit him, so he’d tried accepting the way he was even without fully understanding it. However, he didn’t want to tell anyone so they could confirm what he already knew, that he was somehow faulty. He knew that he could trust his members, just look at how well they’d handled everything else during this past year. Their level of acceptance of each other was something Minhyuk took great pride in and it was what truly made their group a family.

He admired all of them for being so brave and sharing their innermost secrets and fears, but he couldn’t do the same. His problem was different, it wasn’t something they would understand even though he knew they would try. So instead, he decided to spare them the headache and just keep it to himself, even if it made him feel like a hypocrite for having encouraged the others to open up while he remained closed.

~~~

The members seemed to have made a game of “who can catch Minhyuk wanking” since they realized that he was the only who hadn’t been exposed. Whenever Minhyuk was in his room by himself, at least one member would not so secretly creak the door open, peak in, swear to themselves, and leave. It happened at least once a day and Minhyuk was getting sick and tired of it. He started hanging out in the living room instead so he wouldn’t have to deal with the constant feeling of being watched. 

Needless to say, that didn’t help. While there were no careful openings of doors, one or two of the members would pass by the living room shooting him inconspicuous looks.  
After two days of dealing with this new type of surveillance, Minhyuk stood up and screamed at the closest member, who happened to be Changkyun. 

“Even if I would jerk off I wouldn’t do it right out in the open where anyone could walk by, now would I?” Not bothering to wait for a reply, Minhyuk gathered his things and stormed out the door, heading for somewhere he would be left alone for a while. 

When he’d calmed down guilt settled in the pit of his stomach, he hadn’t meant to yell at the maknae. Now that he thought about it, Changkyun hadn’t even been looking his way, he was just an innocent bypasser. Minhyuk sighed, he would apologize when he returned home. For now, he just wanted some peace and quiet. He slipped into one of the smaller recording booths at Starship, one that he knew probably wouldn’t be used for a while. He sat down in one of the chairs and unlocked his phone. He opened their group chat and wrote “I’ll have dinner outside before I come back tonight, don’t wait up”. He knew the others would probably worry, especially at the lack of emoticons, but he didn’t care at the moment. He desperately needed some space and he obviously wouldn’t get it back at the dorm. 

Minhyuk put away his phone and relaxed into the chair, perhaps a nap was what he needed right now. He closed his eyes and folded his arms. Yeah, a nap would be nice.

~~~

There was a banging sound followed by a “shit” and Minhyuk sat upright in the chair, trying to figure out where he was and what had happened. His eyes soon fell on Jooheon, who sat on the floor by the door cradling his head in his hands.

“What are you doing?” Minhyuk mumbled and rubbed his eyes to wake himself up completely. 

Jooheon gave him a sheepish smile and stood up before sitting down in the other chair next to Minhyuk. “I was trying to leave but then I kinda tripped over some cords and hit my head on the door.” 

If Minhyuk wasn’t still half-asleep he would probably be laughing his ass off but as it were, he just stared at Jooheon as if he was an idiot. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you”, Jooheon rubbed his neck. “I was just checking up on you.”

Minhyuk just hummed, the younger had probably been sent by one of the others to see if he was alright, no doubt worrying that he might still be angry. Minhyuk didn’t think he was anymore, it had simply been added to the perpetual state of annoyance he was in these days. 

“I’ll let you go back to sleep or whatever you were gonna do”, Jooheon stood up and took a step towards the door but Minhyuk’s hand shot out to stop him, pulling him back into the chair. “Or not?” Jooheon questioned.

Minhyuk didn’t know what possessed him to do it but something inside him said now or never and he looked up at Jooheon. 

“Have you ever had sex?” Okay, that was not what Minhyuk had expected to say. Something to that effect sure, but he’d intended to phrase it more vaguely.

Evidently, it was not what Jooheon had expected either, seeing how he was choking on his own spit followed by coughing. Minhyuk waited patiently for him to compose himself while thumping his back.

“A simple yes or no will do”, he said when Jooheon seemed to have regained his breath. 

“Um, kinda, or no-, well not really, just sorta halfway.” He was blushing furiously and Minhyuk felt a little bad for asking. Nevertheless, he pressed on.

“Halfway?”

“You know, just with hands and… _mouths_ ”, he whispered the last word as if it was some great secret. Minhyuk nodded and thought it over. 

“But you would wanna go all the way if you could?” 

Jooheon’s eyes looked like they were gonna leave their sockets but Minhyuk just raised an eyebrow. 

“I don’t really get why you wanna know, but yes. I mean, which guy wouldn’t?” Jooheon grinned at Minhyuk, who just nodded again. 

“Right, well I was just curious, you can go now”, Minhyuk turned away from Jooheon, trying to hold himself together. 

“That’s it?” Jooheon frowned, feeling like there was something here that he was missing. 

“Yup, now go home for dinner, I’ll come a little later.”

Jooheon stood up hesitantly, moving towards the door but turned back to look at Minhyuk before opening it. “Are you okay, hyung?”

“Yeah, just peachy”, Minhyuk said, a bit more sharply than intended. “I just need some time to myself and then I’ll be back to” _pretending to be_ “normal.” He waved dismissively at Jooheon, eyes stubbornly staring at the empty desk in front of him. 

“If you say so”, Jooheon knew something was wrong but he understood that now was not the time for prying and after telling Minhyuk not to be too long, he left.

As soon as the door closed shut, Minhyuk slid off the chair and collapsed in a heap on the floor, violently sobbing. He hugged his knees to his chest, trying to make himself as small as possible, most of all wanting to just disappear for a while. It was both terrifying and cruelly satisfying, having your deepest fears finally confirmed. In the middle of his crying, Minhyuk let out an empty laugh, he was so unbelievably stupid. God, what was he even expecting when he tried talking to Jooheon, a normal guy who of course wanted sex. How could Minhyuk have thought that he would be able to bring up his fears to someone who obviously wouldn’t be able to relate. And he knew that it wasn’t Jooheon’s fault, he only had himself to blame for his fucked up brain and body. 

Wiping furiously at the tears covering his cheeks, Minhyuk tried to stand but the world spun too much so he practically fell onto the chair. He sighed and for just a second, his inner turmoil stopped as his mind grew blank. Unfortunately, it didn’t last for very long and his head was filled with vicious thoughts. 

What was he supposed to do now, just live with the fact that he would never be a complete human being or try to change, which he already knew was impossible. There had been a time when Minhyuk was in his teens and his friends had just found out about the holy grail, also known as porn. Minhyuk had been invited along with a few others to watch this amazing “adult stuff” at a friend’s house. While the others had shown interest or even arousal, Minhyuk had only felt disgust. He had told the others that he had to go home early for dinner and left in a hurry. He hadn’t understood how they could endure watching those videos and enjoy it, but he also couldn’t pinpoint what he found so revolting about it. There was just something that was so off-putting about the scenes he’d seen and he knew for certain that he would never put himself in a situation like that. 

As he grew older, he more and more became aware that it was him who was the abnormal one in the equation. His friends would talk about sex and he would make something up whenever the conversation turned his way, too embarrassed to share his real thoughts on the subject. He also avoided relationships as he understood that it was synonymous with sex. And somewhere along the way, it became something he actively avoided thinking about at all.

Until it had been brought up by Changkyun at that dinner when things started going downhill. The members constantly watching him, waiting for him to reveal himself as one of them, a normal guy jerking off. It had brought everything back, every single negative thought he’d ever had about sex and himself and it had honestly just been a matter of time before he would give in and the dam would break. 

He patted his cheeks with his sleeves, having finally stopped crying. His head hurt and his nose was stuffed but in the midst of his raging emotions, there was a tiny bit of relief. At least, he wouldn’t have to wonder anymore. He could just acknowledge that there was one part of him that would forever be different from the others and leave it at that. Surely he could stand the members attention until they got bored and found something else to obsess over, it shouldn’t take too long.

He tried standing up again, a bit steadier on his feet this time, and dragged himself over to the door. He was done with all this, from tomorrow on he would return to being the sunshine of the group and put all his focus on that. There, problem solved. 

~~~

It had gotten late when Minhyuk stumbled into the dorm. After leaving the recording booth, he’d washed his face in a nearby bathroom and then left the company to get dinner somewhere. He’d found a small restaurant that was mostly empty and sat down in a corner. Along with some food, he ordered in a bottle of soju, which inevitably turned into several bottles of soju. When the kind, worried restaurant owner had asked him if he was alright, Minhyuk knew it was time to leave and he assured the old man that he lived nearby and would get home safely. 

“Shit”, he hissed when he tripped over a pair of boots and stubbed his toe on the shoe rack. He took of his jacket and dropped it unceremoniously, the thud as it hit the floor reminded Minhyuk that he had his phone in one of its pockets and he winced. Silently praying that the screen hadn’t been broken, he bent down to pick it up. He froze halfway as the sound of footsteps grew closer and he saw a pair of legs in the corner of his eye and looked up. 

Hoseok gave him an unimpressed frown with his arms folded as he leaned against the wall and Minhyuk visibly gulped. 

“Sorry, I tried to be quiet”, he gave the other a smile but it wilted when Hoseok didn’t react. 

“You made an awful lot of noise for me to believe that, but I don’t think you woke anyone so I’ll let it slide. Besides, I was waiting for you.” 

Minhyuk stared at the other, a million thoughts running through his drunken mind. The most prominent being _did I do something wrong?_ Hoseok moved forward and put an arm around his back, (“What did you do, bathe in booze?”), guiding him to Hoseok’s room. It was empty, Minhyuk assumed Hyungwon slept in his own room tonight. They both sat down on the bed and Hoseok arranged them to sit facing each other, which made Minhyuk suspect that whatever he wanted to talk about was serious.

“I just wanted to-”

“I’m sorry”, Minhyuk blurted out before Hoseok could get any further and the older looked surprised. 

“Why are you sorry?”

Minhyuk looked down and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “For whatever it is you’re about to say I’ve done wrong.” Warm hands cupped his face, forcing him to look up. 

“You’re not in trouble Minhyuk”, Hoseok assured with a smile. “We just heard from Jooheon that there seemed to be something going on with you and I wanted to ask if there was anything I could do to help.”

Oh, so Minhyuk wasn’t in trouble for something he’d done. No, this was so much worse. 

“There’s nothing going on, I was just stuck on something but it’s all good now, I solved it.” _Remember that you’re supposed to be the sunshine, the one the other’s can rely on not to be problematic. Your role is to be happy and cheer the others up, you cannot be weak and you certainly cannot be sad._

“Minhyuk”, the sound of his name pulled him from his inward spiral of toxic thoughts. 

“What?” 

“I said that it’s okay if there is anything you want to talk about, you’ve been there for all of us and I want to be there for you if there’s anything bothering you. 

Minhyuk mulled it over and he realized that this must have been how Changkyun had felt before coming out to him. Keeping secrets was hard and he really wanted to tell someone. He told himself that he could trust Hoseok with this, the older was one of the most open-minded people Minhyuk knew. And so he recounted his conversation with Jooheon and Hoseok didn’t say anything, he just listened. Minhyuk could tell he was confused by the time he was done and he mentally prepared himself for the questions. 

“I don’t really get it, were you trying to get into Jooheon’s pants or come out or something else?”

Minhyuk’s eyes widened comically and he shook his head vehemently. 

“I do not like Jooheon that way, like at all. Besides the fact that he is straight, he’s also not my type.”

Hoseok nodded and seemed to think it over. “But other guys might be your type?” 

“Kinda, gender isn’t really a deal-breaker for me”, Minhyuk started, finding it easy to share at least that. “It’s more about the fact that everyone always wants to-” He cut himself off and Hoseok carefully placed a hand on his knee. 

“I won’t judge you Minhyuk, whatever it is.”

Minhyuk felt like he’d been waiting to hear those words forever, the ones that showed him the possibility of acceptance. He’d thought he was done crying but the universe apparently decided to be a bitch and prove him wrong as tears welled up in his eyes. Hoseok, channeling his inner carebear persona, cooed and brought the younger close to him in a comforting embrace. 

Minhyuk knew that he got tears and snot all over Hoseok’s shirt but he felt too warm and safe to move away. Hoseok stroked his hair and whispered in his ear that everything would be okay and Minhyuk wanted to believe him. 

“How is it that you always find the exact right words?” Hoseok just shrugged in response and Minhyuk smiled through the tears.

When his crying had mostly stopped, he reluctantly pulled away and stood up. Hoseok looked like he wanted to protest but Minhyuk told him he was just going to wash his face and then come right back. 

For the second time that day, Minhyuk cleansed his face from tears and after patting it dry with a soft towel, he looked into the mirror. He nodded firmly at himself, whispering “Hwaiting” and left the bathroom. When he entered Hoseok’s room again, the other had laid down on the bed, fully clothed on top of the sheets and when he saw Minhyuk he patted the empty spot beside him. Minhyuk joined him, laying on his side facing Hoseok. The older placed his hand om Minhyuk’s arm.

“Everyone has sex, right?” He could tell he’d caught Hoseok off guard while he waited for the older to confirm it.

Which he didn’t.

“Well, not everyone”, Hoseok said slowly. “Some don’t want to go all the way and there are those who are simply sex-repulsed.” 

“Yeah, but then there’s something wrong with them, like biology-wise”, Minhyuk mumbled.

“There’s nothing wrong with them”, Hoseok said angrily and removed his hand from Minhyuk’s arm, which instantly felt colder.

“There is”, Minhyuk persisted. “It’s not normal not wanting sex, it’s literally what keeps humanity going. There must be something missing in my brain and no one would ever be willing to see past that if they knew. I mean I’m already fully prepared never to have a relationship or anything.”

Hoseok felt all anger dissipate from him as he took in Minhyuk’s words and carefully met the other’s wet eyes.

“Minhyuk, do you not want sex?”

The younger just nodded and thanked whatever deity there was that he didn’t start crying again. Hoseok smiled then and inched closer to the younger, stroking his cheek.

“It’s alright, you’re perfectly normal and you’re not alone. If you don’t wanna take my word for it, I have friends who are like you and would be more than happy to help you sort it out. It sounds to me like you’re somewhere on the asexual spectrum but you don’t need a label if you don’t want it.”

Minhyuk took it all in, trying to organize the jumbled mess in his mind. _Asexual._ There was an actual term for what he was? That would mean that it was a lot more common that he’d thought. Hoseok continued caressing his cheek and Minhyuk couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from turning upwards. 

“Thank you, for listening and everything. Um, can I think about it? Talking to your friends, I mean.”

“Absolutely, and only if you want, you’re not obligated to do anything.” 

“Except maybe tell the others, especially if Jooheon got them all worried about me.” Minhyuk sighed and felt a sudden wave of fatigue rush over him. The emotional rollercoaster in addition to the alcohol made it hard to keep his eyes open.

“Maybe, but no one’s forcing you there either”, Hoseok chuckled at the younger’s futile attempt to stay awake. “This is your life and only you get to decide how you want to live it.”

“See, there it is again”, Minhyuk mumbled half-asleep. “The right damn words, it never fails.”

Hoseok laughed and pulled Minhyuk closer to him. 

“Just sleep, we’ll talk more in the morning.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk finally musters up his courage to meet with Hoseok's friends and he's surprised to see some familiar faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure whether to post this as a separate part of the series or add it to Minhyuk's already existing part. But it felt more natural to put it here, since it's good to read the first chapter before this and I want this particular story arc all put together. 
> 
> I'm also adding a third chapter that I'll try to get out soon!

“Just hold on a minute”, Minhyuk said, tugging on Hoseok’s sleeve as the other went to open the door to the café. 

“Minhyuk, please”, Hoseok groaned. “We’ve been standing here forever and it’s cold, can we please get inside already? I promise you that no one bites and you’ll even recognize some of them.” 

Minhyuk let go when he heard that. “Someone I know? You didn’t tell me that before.” 

“Someone you know of at least”, Hoseok said and took advantage of Minhyuk’s confused state to finally get the door open and drag him inside. He didn’t have to look around the mostly empty café for long before he heard his name being called from a table in the corner. Hoseok shot a smile at a group sitting together and put his arm around Minhyuk before walking over. 

“Sorry we’re late”, Hoseok told the table when they sat down at the only empty spots left. Hoseok gave a hug to a girl with vibrant red hair who Minhyuk had never seen before and took his seat next to her on the couch. Minhyuk sat down on the chair between Hoseok and a guy who looked vaguely familiar but he couldn’t quite figure out from where he knew him. 

“We watched you through the window, for a while”, the girl beside Hoseok started laughing and Minhyuk felt the heat rise on his face, looking down on his feet.

“Ah, well someone was feeling a bit shy.” Hoseok’s comment did not make Minhyuk feel any less like a child and he brought down his foot on Hoseok’s to get him to shut up. 

“It’s alright, I wasn’t any better when Hoseok first introduced me to the group”, someone else offered sympathetically and Minhyuk looked up to identify his saviour.

He was barely able to hold back a gasp as he met the eyes of Yunhyeong, the vocalist of iKon. While they weren’t the closest of friends, their groups had interacted a lot of times and they’d talked occasionally. 

“I think it’s time for proper introductions hyung”, another guy said from his place next to Yunhyeong. 

“Right”, Hoseok clapped his hands together and then put a hand on Minhyuk’s shoulder. “So, this is Minhyuk, one of my members and normally not this quiet.” Minhyuk swatted his hand away and smirked when the others laughed at the defiant action. 

“It’s nice to meet all of you”, Minhyuk managed to sound somewhat steady on the voice and tried for a smile. 

“I’m Misun”, the girl next to Hoseok reached over to shake his hand, “and I’ve known Hoseok for way too long.” 

“Emma”, a blonde girl sitting next to Misun piped up. “Nice to meet you.” Minhyuk could tell that she wasn’t entirely comfortable with Korean but she seemed to follow the conversation well enough. 

“This is my darling”, Misun exclaimed and kissed Emma’s cheek, making her smile more comfortably. “We met when I was tutoring exchange students at my college.” 

“And next to Emma is of course Yunhyeong, but you already know him”, Hoseok took over introductions. “Then we have Hajoon, our token straight guy with a twist.” The mentioned male rolled his eyes but kept a light smile on his face. “And last but not least-”

“Jaehyun”, the guy next to Minhyuk said and suddenly he knew where he recognized him from. 

“From N.Flying, you play the drums?” Minhyuk was a big fan of their music and he felt bad that he hadn’t immediately realized who he was, but he had never met him in person before. 

“That’s me”, Jaehyun beamed and shook Minhyuk’s hand as an afterthought. 

“And that’s everyone”, Hoseok said before standing up. “Now that that’s out of the way, what are today’s cravings saying?”

Minhyuk was trying to figure out what that could mean when the rest of the group started shouting at Hoseok.

“White hot chocolate and an iced americano”, Misun ordered for her and Emma.

“Chai latte for me”, Yunhyeong said.

“Ice tea with the peach flavour”, Jaehyun winked. 

“A grande coffee frappuccino with an extra shot of espresso, skim milk, only one scoop of java chips and whipped cream with a caramel drizzle on top”, Hajoon smiled widely at Minhyuk’s stunned expression while the others groaned in unison. 

“You do know that this isn’t a Starbucks and I only have the memory of an average human, right?” Hoseok sighed.

“Alright”, Hajoon relented and seemed to think over his options. “I’ll also have the peach ice tea then.” 

“Great pick, and Minhyuk?” 

“Um, maybe a milkshake, if they have that?” 

“Strawberry?” Hoseok asked and waited for Minhyuk to nod in confirmation before he walked off towards the counter where a young woman, who had been eyeing the group, stood ready to take their orders. Minhyuk had wanted to ask Hoseok if he could help him carry everything, mostly because he was a bit afraid to be left alone with the rest of the group. 

Minhyuk wasn’t normally one to shy away from socializing with people he didn’t know, but this was different. He didn’t know what this meeting was supposed to really be about or most importantly, what Hoseok had told the others about him. All Minhyuk knew was that he’d told Hoseok earlier that week that he was ready to meet his friends who might be able to help him figure himself out. 

So far though, he’d only been told that Hajoon was their ‘token straight guy’, whatever that meant, and that didn’t really help Minhyuk even if the other seemed like a decent enough guy.

“So Minhyuk”, Yunhyeong’s voice interrupted his inner monologue, “I don’t know how much you’ve heard about us from Hoseok but I think you should know that whatever is said here stays here. This is a safe space for thoughts and questions no matter the subject, alright?” 

Minhyuk didn’t know if that was meant as a warning not to tell anyone else about whatever was said or to reassure him, but he nodded to show that he’d understood and would abide by the rule. Since Hoseok was part of this group too he could always vent to him afterwards and ask whatever questions he might not want to share with all of them. 

“Hoseok didn’t tell us that much about you, just that you might benefit from hanging out with us and discuss certain subjects”, Misun said while putting her arm around Emma’s waist. 

“You make it sound like we’re secret spies or something with your ‘certain subjects’”, Jaehyun snorted. 

“Whatever, I just think maybe we should have another round of introductions, with different details.” 

Minhyuk wasn’t sure what Misun was on about, her use of codewords and vague suggestions did nothing but confuse him. 

“So, again, I’m Misun and I’m a lesbian”, she continued and Minhyuk admired her for sounding so confident, although he couldn’t help a quick glance around to see if anyone had heard her. The only people in there besides their group and the staff were a couple of women sitting at a table at the other end of the café. Minhyuk turned back to the table, relieved that they would be able to talk in private without being potentially targeted by someone with a mind more narrow than theirs. 

“I’m, what’s the word, I like both girls and boys”, Emma said, brows deeply furrowed as she tried to think of the exact word in korean but Misun squeezed her tightly to her side and she relaxed her face. 

“Like Hoseok so gracefully mentioned before, I’m the closest this group has to straight”, Hajoon said. “Though I’m really heteroromantic demisexual.”

Minhyuk hummed as if he knew precisely what Hajoon meant. He didn’t. He’d never even heard the word demisexual before and had no idea what it might mean. 

“I’m pansexual”, Jaehyun announced and it must have been obvious that Minhyuk didn’t know what that was either because he immediately continued. “It means that I don’t care much about gender, I’m open to anyone.”

“Open to anyone you say, I’ll be sure to let Hoon know”, Misun smirked and Minhyuk watched as Jaehyun’s face fell. 

“Come one now noona, you know I was only joking”, he laughed nervously and the looks he shot the rest of them were begging for help. “There’s no need to tell Hoon anything.”

“I don’t know”, Hajoon rubbed his chin as if he was deep in thought. “I feel obligated to let him know that you’re apparently in an open relationship now.”

Jaehyun groaned and hid his face in his hands as the others all laughed, with the exception of Minhyuk who felt like there was something he was missing. “Are you talking about Hoon as in your bandmate?” He asked tentatively. 

“They’re husbands first and bandmates second”, Misun mused. 

“We’re not married”, Jaehyun’s face emerged from his cupped palms and his lips formed a pout. 

“You might as well be”, Hajoon waved a hand dismissing Jaehyun’s statement. “You’ve been together for longer than you’ve been in the band.”

“Yeah”, Jaehyun sighed and Minhyuk could almost make out the hearts in his eyes. 

“Ew, continue the introductions before we drown in all this mushiness”, Misun said and Emma giggled at her side when Jaehyun glared daggers at her. 

“I’m next”, Yunhyeong spoke up before a fight could break out. “I’m asexual but I’m romantically attracted to guys.”

Minhyuk sat up a bit straighter, focused on Yunhyeong and what he had just said. Asexual, like Minhyuk himself probably was. 

“I don’t know if you know what that means but basically-” Yunhyeong started but Minhyuk unintentionally cut him off. 

“No I know what it is”, he shrank down in his seat a bit when everyone looked at him. “I have, well we’ve  
talked about it before, me and Hoseok. He told me about it.”

Minhyuk wasn’t sure if he should tell them why Hoseok had explained asexuality to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust these people, they had after all been nothing but kind to him and shared information that you normally didn’t talk about within five minutes after meeting someone for the first time. He realized with a small jolt that they had deemed him trustworthy and he couldn’t ignore that.

“Me too”, he said in a voice small enough that Hajoon had to ask him to repeat himself. “I am also that, asexual, I think.” 

“Cool”, Hajoon said and gave him two thumbs up. 

“Welcome to the club”, Yunhyeong smiled. 

Jaehyun clapped him on the back and Misun and Emma sent him quiet smiles. Minhyuk felt more relaxed than he thought he would, sharing his deepest, darkest secret with people who were basically strangers. He let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and then nearly jumped out of his skin when Hoseok appeared from nowhere, setting down a tray of drinks on the table with a loud clang. 

“Did you already do secondary introductions?” He asked as he handed out beverages to their owners. Minhyuk took a sip of his milkshake and was not disappointed, it tasted amazing. 

“You just missed it”, Yunhyeong told him and blew on his latte to cool it. 

“All of you?” Hoseok asked and Minhyuk didn’t miss the sidewards glance towards him. He nodded in reply, mouth still around his straw. 

Hoseok beamed and smiled proudly like he was his dad or something, rubbing the back of Minhyuk’s head. 

“Well then, I’m Hoseok and I’m gay, plain and simple.” 

“There is nothing plain and simple about you”, Misun jabbed her elbow in his side jokingly. 

“Except for your choice of drink, is that just black coffee?” Jaehyun scrunched up his nose and tsked when he looked into Hoseok’s cup. 

“Alright, back to order”, Hoseok took a small sip and looked around. “Is there anything special anyone wants to bring up?”

Minhyuk didn’t know what topics to expect but he sat back with his cup, made himself as comfortable as he could, and just listened. 

Misun and Emma had apparently been dating for almost a year and were trying to work up the nerve to visit Misun’s family as an official couple. Emma’s family already knew about them and had been pretty chill about the relationship. 

“And I’ve been out for forever to my parents but still, I don’t know how they would feel if I suddenly showed up with an actual girlfriend.” 

The others shared their experiences on the subject and Minhyuk sat in silence when Jaehyun told them the story of how he and Hoon had come out to their families together. It hadn’t been painless but today they were all on good terms and “I sometimes think my parents love Hoon more than me”. 

The conversation maintained a relatively light tone despite the serious subjects like Yunhyeong’s recent coming out to his members, which had gone mostly well and Jaehyun’s ever present insecurities in his relationship. 

Then Hajoon spoke up about trying to get over his ex, he told Minhyuk that they had broken up pretty recently and he was still torn up over it. Yunhyeong and Jaehyun both put their arms around him to offer him some comfort.

“I’m feeling alright most of the time, really”, Hajoon insisted while wiping away a stray tear from his cheek. “It’s just that we had that bond you know, and I had never been that close enough to someone before. She was the first person that I actually wanted to go all the way with and I just think that it’s gonna take a really long time until I find that in someone again.”

“You never know what life will bring”, Emma said unexpectedly and her face reddened when the focus of attention shifted to her. 

“Damn straight”, Misun pecked her lips and smiled. 

“Curious choice of words but okay”, Hajoon commented and snickered, which set off everyone else too. 

“And on that note, I believe it’s time for me to return to my basically-husband”, Jaehyun stretched his arms and yawned before standing up. “I’ll have some free time next month so just send a message in the group chat when you’ve come up with a date.” 

“We’ll go with you, Emma wanted to do some shopping for ‘meeting the in-laws-clothes’”, Misun almost shoved Hoseok to the floor so they could get up from the couch. 

“I just want them to like me”, Emma said and Misun took her hand. 

“They will, you’re impossible to dislike”, she smiled. “And next time we meet you can tell everyone how well it went.” This seemed to cheer up her girlfriend and after saying their goodbyes they left with Jaehyun. 

 

“I don’t know about you but I’m kinda hungry”, Hajoon stated a while after the others had left. 

“I don’t have to be back until tonight”, Yunhyeong shrugged. 

“Our schedule is free, if you wanna go somewhere for dinner?” Hoseok offered after sharing a look with Minhyuk. 

“I vote barbeque”, the look on Hajoon’s face told the others it was more of a demand than a suggestion and since none of them cared either way, they agreed. 

They found a place that was nearby and its customers consisted of mostly middle aged couples, meaning they probably wouldn’t need to make any extra efforts to hide their identities. Well, Hajoon was fine anyway but the others had had their fair share of running into fans while just walking around in their spare time. It was admittedly nice at times, meeting fans who just wanted to let you know how much they appreciated you and who respected the fact that you might not want to take photos or sign anything at that moment. But then there had been instances where fans would try to secretly take photos or follow you around to see what you were up to. 

Luckily, their assumption when it came to this restaurant proved to be correct. No one so much as looked their way when the four of them sat down at a vacant table and they soon let down their guards. 

“I think we all know who’s cooking the meat”, Hajoon said once they had everything served on the table and handed Yunhyeong the tongs. 

“Are you the best at it?” Minhyuk asked. 

“I’m at least the one with most experience”, Yunhyeong said nonchalantly and Hoseok snickered. 

“His family owns a barbeque place over by Gambuk-dong”, he explained to Minhyuk. 

“We would have gone there to support them but it’s kinda well-known and a lot of people go there in hopes of catching a glimpse of our Yunnie”, Hajoon ruffled Yunhyeong’s hair as the other started putting the pieces of meat on the grill. The sizzling sound that followed made Minhyuk swallow and only then did he become aware of just how hungry he was. 

“Anyway, that’s why I’m mostly doing the cooking if we go to these kinds of places or just around the dorm”, Yunhyeong kept a watchful eye on the meat while talking. 

They ate in silence after that, apparently they had all been hungry because the food was disappearing at an alarming rate. Hoseok ordered additional servings and at that they cheered, Hajoon decided they needed some soju to wash down the food with and if he ordered a little too much no one said anything. Besides, Minhyuk came out of his shell with the help of the alcohol and was soon comfortably joking around with all of them.

When they later stepped out onto the street, absolutely stuffed and slightly tipsy, it had become dark and they decided to call it a night. 

Yunhyeong and Hajoon told Minhyuk that it had been nice hanging out with him and they exchanged numbers.

“Text or call whenever you have questions, and it doesn’t have to be regarding the ace thing, it can be about anything”, Yunhyeong said in a low voice when they hugged goodbye. 

Then they all went their separate ways and Minhyuk and Hoseok walked home. Minhyuk had so much to ask Hoseok about the day, he had been really happy to meet all of his friends and felt like he’s learnt a lot about, well, a lot. 

He yawned and leaned into Hoseok’s side, suddenly exhausted. 

“Tired?” Hoseok asked with a smile and wrapped an arm around Minhyuk to steady him as they neared the dorm. 

“Yeah, but good tired.”

“You looked like you had fun today?” There was a hesitant tone in Hoseok’s question and Minhyuk shot him a reassuring grin. 

“It was great, and I liked all of them.” 

“I’m glad, cause both Jae and Misun has been pestering me all night about bringing you with me next time we meet.”

Minhyuk nearly snapped his neck when he looked up at Hoseok. 

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah, Jaehyun wanted your number and everything, but I said I’d ask you first if that was alright.”

“Yes, of course”, Minhyuk sputtered. 

They walked the rest of the way in silence and when they were about to enter the dorm Minhyuk gave Hoseok a tight hug. 

“Thank you for today, it was really good”, he whispered when Hoseok hugged him back. 

“It was fun having you there with me, so thanks to you too. And I’m proud of you.”

Minhyuk pushed him away and discreetly wiped at the corner of his eye. 

“You just prepare yourself for tomorrow, you absolute sap.”

“Tomorrow?” Hoseok raised a brow. 

“I’m gonna be bombarding you with all the questions I didn’t get the chance to ask before, and I’m warning you now, there’s a lot of them.” 

“Looking forward to it”, Hoseok smiled, and then they stepped inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! Single, all partnered up or somewhere in between, I hope you're having a nice day ^^ I'm spending it with heart-shaped candy and my computer, unsarcastically loving being single :)
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter as much as I did writing it, Minhyuk is one of my favourite "characters" and I enjoy exploring these kind of subjects. 
> 
> Please tell me if you feel like I've been ignorant or said something that's incorrect. I'm far from an expert on these subjects but I strive to portray them as realistically and fairly as I can.
> 
> Thank you all for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Minhyuk tried not to crush the cup between his hands, forcing himself to let go of his unnecessarily tight grip. He cursed himself for being so early, they weren’t supposed to meet for another ten minutes but Minhyuk had already been occupying the table for twice that long, taking small sips of his tea to make it last. He blamed his nerves, he had left the dorm way too early out of fear of arriving late. 

The others, especially Jooheon and Hyungwon, had relentlessly teased him while he’d tried to get ready. When Minhyuk for the seventeenth time had denied that it was a date, Kihyun took mercy on him and told the others to back off. It gave Minhyuk a much needed 5 minute window to finish his simple make-up before they started pestering him again.

Minhyuk glanced at a clock mounted on the wall in front of him, he still had five minutes of solitude to go before his company would arrive. He let out a sigh, trying to relax his shoulders and appear a little less panicky. He hadn’t been lying to the others, it really wasn’t a date. But that fact didn’t stop him from tensing up whenever he heard the sound of the bell above the door to the café chime. 

Like it did now, and Minhyuk glanced over like he’d done all the previous times he’d heard the sound. Before he could call out or raise a hand, the newcomer spotted him and made his way over to his table with a wide smile. 

“Hi hyung”, Yunhyeong said and took the seat opposite Minhyuk. 

“Hey”, Minhyuk tried to copy the familiar tone Yunhyeong had used but thought it came out a bit strangled, since his throat had a habit of slightly closing up whenever he felt nervous. 

“Have you been waiting for long?” 

“No, not at all”, Minhyuk facepalmed internally as he followed Yunhyeong’s gaze to his empty cup, he hadn’t even realized that he’d finished it. 

“You’re a very fast drinker then”, Yunhyeong winked and Minhyuk let out an involuntary groan. 

“Alright, so I happened to come a bit early because I didn’t want to be late and also because I couldn’t stand my members’ teasing anymore and ordered some tea since I didn’t want to look weird sitting by myself with nothing to do”, the words left Minhyuk’s lips before he could stop them and he carefully looked at Yunhyeong. 

“I get it, I always get paranoid about being late. I had planned to get here sooner but I had to help Chanwoo get unstuck from under his bed, don’t ask.” 

“I’ll admit you got me curious but what happens in the dorm stays in the dorm”, Minhyuk lifted his hand to a salute and spent the next minute questioning the inner workings of his brain. 

“Well, since you finished that is there anything I can get you?” Yunhyeong got up from his chair. “More tea or something else? My treat.”

“Oh, no”, Minhyuk stood up as well gestured for Yunhyeong to sit back down. “It should be me buying you something, since I was the one who asked you out.”

“Asked me out, huh?” Yunhyeong waggled his eyebrows and Minhyuk just gaped, his mind full of signs flashing error. 

“Asked you here is what I meant”, he recovered a bit late. 

“I know what you meant, but seriously sit down hyung. It’s on me, I’m getting you a hot chocolate.” And then Yunhyeong turned and headed to the counter, leaving Minhyuk to reluctantly admit defeat and sit. 

He watched Yunhyeong and admired how at ease he seemed, so completely opposite from Minhyuk’s chaotic current state of mind. 

 

“Here you go, I really hope that you actually like hot chocolate because that was a wild guess”, Yunhyeong said when he returned with their drinks.

“Yeah, thank you.” Minhyuk took a sip and made a little hum of delight when he noticed the whipped cream and marshmallows on top. 

They spent a while talking about whatever crossed their minds, mostly about practice or their daily lives as k-pop idols. Yunhyeong recounted an unbelievable story involving his group member Donghyuk, a guinea pig and a sprained ankle. 

“And to this day we don’t know where it even came from or where it went afterwards”, Yunhyeong said wheezing from laughter. Minhyuk was clutching his stomach and wiped away a few tears. 

“That’s amazing”, he concluded once he’d regained the ability to speak. “I don’t know if I believe you but it’s a fantastic story regardless.”

“I tell no lies”, Yunhyeong assured him while somehow managing to keep a straight face.

Once they’d calmed down and people around them had stopped staring at them for laughing so loudly Yunhyeong steered them in on the subject that Minhyuk had mentioned when he asked Yunhyeong to meet up. 

“So, you said Hoseok had the talk with you after we met last time?” 

“Please, it was more like a three hour lecture”, Minhyuk rolled his eyes but smiled. “At least now I know what demisexual means and a lot of what Hajoon was talking about makes sense.”

“Yeah, I’d honestly never heard about it before meeting him and I still think it’s a little confusing but so is everything regarding feelings and sexualities.” 

“Agreed, it’s a maze”, Minhyuk admitted with a little sigh. “But it’s really interesting, especially with all these grey areas and how everyone thinks differently and makes their own definition, or none at all.”

“And have you found your way out of your own maze?” Yunhyeong asked with a soft smile. 

“I think so”, Minhyuk drank up the last of his chocolate. “I’m not entirely comfortable with all these labels yet but I told Hoseok that I thought I might be panromantic asexual. I don’t doubt the ace part of it but I’m kinda still questioning the panromantic aspect. I’ve never really had a chance to try it out though, so I can’t say for sure but that’s what I’m going with for now.”

“There’s nothing that says you can’t change your mind.”

“Thanks, that’s what Hoseok kept telling me too.”

“I’ll admit he’s got a way with words”, Yunhyeong nodded thoughtfully. “He’s the one who introduced me to the group and it’s really helped me to find myself.”

“God, that’s cheesy”, Minhyuk laughed and Yunhyeong soon joined him. 

“Sorry, I know.”

“But I guess I’m kind of hoping for something similar, I had a really good time when we met with the others and I’d like to join again sometime.”

Yunhyeong assured Minhyuk that he had basically been adopted by Misun already and the rest of the group saw him as a “fixed member”. Minhyuk felt surprised but really relieved that he was welcome to join them in the future, he’d really liked their company and thought that he could learn a thing or two from them. 

Then Minhyuk asked Yunhyeong a thousand questions about his crooked road to self-discovery (Yunhyeong’s words) and how at peace he was with himself now.

Yunhyeong’s phone lit up and he looked at the message displayed on the screen. The gentlest of smiles formed on his lips and Minhyuk grew too curious to care that it wasn’t any of his business. 

“Who’s it from?” He asked and only realized that it was a pretty personal question when Yunhyeong looked up at him. 

“Oh, it’s from Donghyuk.” Was that a blush on his cheeks?

“Ah, guinea pig boy”, Minhyuk smirked. 

“Oh my god, I should have never told you that story”, Yunhyeong groaned. 

“Are you close?” Minhyuk asked tentatively and he could tell that Yunhyeong understood what he really meant. 

“Yeah, kinda”, he scratched the back of his head and looked down at his now black screen. “We haven’t talked about it yet but there’s definitely something there.” 

 

“I’m glad”, Minhyuk said honestly and gave Yunhyeong an encouraging smile when the younger raised his head. “And he knows about the ace thing?”

“He does”, Yunhyeong nodded. “The others only know that I’m gay, but I don’t keep secrets from Donghyuk. We’ve always been close enough to talk about anything and I’ve spent many hours chatting his ears off with my worries and he’s had a front row seat to my inner turmoil, poor guy.” 

“That’s nice.”

“Yep, he’s been incredibly supportive and recently there’s been”, Yunhyeong suddenly blushed, “development.” 

Minhyuk raised an eyebrow while smirking but Yunhyeong refused to go into further detail about what had happened and they soon said their goodbyes outside the café, promising to talk soon. 

 

~~~

 

Minhyuk came back to the dorm and found the rest of the members lounging in the living room, talking over some movie that no one was paying attention to. Minhyuk made a split second decision. His eyes met Hoseok’s and the other mouthed a “what” when he saw Minhyuk’s apologetic expression. 

Minhyuk walked through the room and, with his most nonchalant tone, announced over his shoulder just before disappearing into his own room. 

“I’m asexual, ask Hoseok.”

He shut the door and a few seconds later he could heard the explosions of questions, no doubt all directed at Hoseok. Minhyuk felt a little bad but honestly? Hoseok just had a way with words. 

Besides, Minhyuk wouldn't even have known he was ace if it weren't for him. And for that he was eternally grateful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I hope you're all safe out there. I know this is a hard and stressful time for all of us but I hope you're doing okay, wherever you are! 
> 
> I don't really know what happened with this chapter. I guess I wanted to show a Minhyuk that's a little more comfortable in his own skin and who's branching out, making new friends who can help him.
> 
> This probably isn't the last we've seen of Minhyuk and the sexuality support group, I want to come back to it sometime in the future. 
> 
> BUT, next up will be part 12 of the series, featuring Changkyun and Jacob visiting the The Boyz dorm and Changkyun meeting his boyfriend's 11 brothers. I'm excited for it and I hope you are too!
> 
> Kudos and comments are, as always, greatly appreciated and also what sustains me. Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> First off, Hoseok channeling his carebear persona came about because in Swedish the carebears are literally called "the hugbears". So I'm not sure if it makes as much sense in English but I couldn't come up with a substitute and he's also being generally caring so, yeah.
> 
> This story took a long time to write compared to the earlier ones, since my thoughts were all over the place and I was trying to make it understandable. But if it seems a bit confusing let's just see it as a reflection of Minhyuk's inner turmoil and questioning (which is absolutely me projecting).  
> Also, I didn't want to make it too similar to my other stories so I didn't write about Minhyuk telling the other members cause I feel like I've done the whole "group acceptance"-thing several times and didn't want to make it repetative. So I'll just nicely weave it into a later story and make it work.
> 
> Thanks for reading and I'll be back with an update next week!


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